


Paralysis

by imaginaryfriendashkun



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, Bad Thoughts, Depression, Eunwoo centric, Hardships of being idol and an actor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Attacks, Misunderstandings, More hurt at first, Night Terrors, Nightmares, OT6, Panic Attack, Sad, Soulmates, anxiety attack, breathing problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:15:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28792275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginaryfriendashkun/pseuds/imaginaryfriendashkun
Summary: They are soulmates, the six of them. Yet, why does Eun Woo feel like the others are comfortable without him, just as five of them? Are they better without him? But he is the best because of them.
Relationships: Kim Myungjun | MJ/Everyone, Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo/Everyone, Moon Bin/Everyone, Park Jinwoo | Jin Jin/Everyone, Park Minhyuk | Rocky/Everyone, Yoon Sanha/Everyone
Kudos: 45





	Paralysis

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: All rights reserved. No part of these pages, either text or image may be used for any purpose other than personal use. Reproduction, modification, storage in a retrieval system or retransmission, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical or otherwise, for reasons other than personal use, is strictly prohibited without prior written permission. 
> 
> All mistakes - plot, grammar, characterization, situation descriptions - are mine. Not beta'd. Let me know if there are glaring problems, I want to improve :) 
> 
> A/N:  
> Astro is a group of real people. Only the plot belongs to me. This is not real, this is a fiction. Please respect the members. They are so adorable T__T >''< And talented! Wow. 'All Night' on repeat! Hage, hage hage...

Eunwoo wonders what went wrong. When did it go wrong? How did it go wrong? Why did it go wrong? He doesn't feel the warmth of his soulmates anymore.

They are ignoring him blatantly now. They are acting as if he is not there. They are pushing him away. Keeping him at arm's length. Previously, they were making it subtle but now they have given up completely on him. Did he do something? Is it his fault in the end? He feels sick and tired. He has a light fever and every part of his body is sore and achy. 

All he wants to do is to talk to them, to touch them, to cuddle them, to kiss them, hug them, to just stay near them, to just listen to their laughs and rumbles and silly fights and arguments and chaos. But it is silent around him. They are awkward. But inside his head, he is screaming, it is not silent. And that is where he wants things to be silent. Sadly, that's not the case.

  
\----------

Myungjun sighs, "Why do you keep messing up the performance? We all have to sing the chorus again _and_ again because of you."

Eunwoo whispers, "Hyung, I am sorry, I don't feel good."

Jinwoo rolls his eyes, "Not good? You are just not concentrating, stop lying. When did this stop being important to you? I get that acting is important but this should also be important. This is not only about you."

Bin rolls his eyes, "It is not always about you, stop seeking attention. Please behave your age and set an example to the younger ones. They learn from you."

Minhyuk sighs, "Hyung, please stop adding extra work on our plate."

Sanha whines, "Hyung, all of us are as busy and tired as it is. Please don't make it more difficult."

Myungjun folds his hands tightly, "Why work hard only in your shoots? You should work hard here as well, right? Please be more responsible."

A part of Eunwoo knows that his members would _never_ say any of this out loud, they wouldn't even think of him like this but his mind is an enemy and it feels so damn real and it just freaking hurts and he can't stop the tears.

Eunwoo mumbles, "You guys are just jealous."

Five outraged voices hit his face, "What the hell?!"

Something is thrown at his face and he stumbles from his stool in shock. "Take that back."

Did they just hit him?

It was Myungjun and no one is getting up to stop him. Myungjun looks like he is ready to beat Eunwoo up and the others are just watching. Myungjun is the eldest, he behaves like the maknae most of the times, he is energetic, hyper, weird, loud but when it comes to his younger brothers, he never hesitates. When he gets angry, he is scary. His presence demands respect. He doesn't get angry easily unless his soulmates are threatened. 

All of them are looking at him with cold eyes. Unfeeling eyes. Judging eyes. Pitiless. Eunwoo is the culprit here. They hate him. Detest him. They don't want him anymore.

Eunwoo knows he should shut up but he can't, his mouth just wants to run, let it all out. He wants them to hurt like they are hurting him. This is not real but he still can't stop. There is so much pent up inside him.

They are the _only_ ones who can hurt him the most. They know it. And they are not stopping. Is he still the one who can hurt them the most too? Or is it already too late?

Mean comments from Arohas hurt, mean comments from his fans who hate his acting hurt. Social media rumors, scandals, words from co-workers, words from family, all of these hurt him but these five are supposed to be his _soulmates, brothers, lovers, friends, family, **everything**_ **,** he is closer to them than his own family and their actions hurt him the most in the whole world. They have been through a lot of things together, ups and downs and they know what hurts him the most and they are using that without hesitation. Why?

Eunwoo looks away, "You are jealous because you didn't get a chance to act, you would take it too if given, right? But you didn't get it, you guys are jealous because of my visuals. That I am more popular than Astro. You want the same for Astro. You don't want to be known as Eunwoo and group."

He doesn't want any of that either. But why can't he just stop his damn mouth? It just hurts. 

Here, now, in this not so reality, they are _not_ jealous because he is away from them, because they miss him, because he is close with other people in the field - he is not really, he is the closest to them - and they don't have enough time to spend but jealous because of things like these, misunderstandings, negative feelings. They think he doesn't deserve those. They think he is not working hard anymore. Is that what he is thinking of himself in reality? He doesn't have an answer and he is afraid to get an answer.

Eunwoo is not naturally good at dancing and singing like them, he admits they are more naturally talented, he worked hard to get where he is, he still works hard, he is a singer but he is mostly just the visual face of the group but the rest of them - main dancers, main rappers, main vocals - and that matters the most in the end, doesn't it? Looks are just temporary. Talent lasts longer and stronger. Even if Eunwoo is noticed now, if it is just visuals, he can't make it work in this industry for long, can he? That is why he is working his damn ass off. Why have they stopped noticing that?

He wants people to recognize him because of his talent, not because of his looks. Sometimes, it is a burden. People might think he is being stupid or arrogant, that only people with good looks can say things like these but beautiful looks don't come with everything good all the time.

Bin comes forward and grabs his collar and shakes him. Eunwoo lets him.

Bin growls, "What did you say, Lee Dongmin? I dare you to repeat that."

They are not using his stage name, not his nickname and that hurts and his heart is crumbling into a billion pieces. He doesn't want to be here anymore. But he can't get out. His mind is a fucked up maze.

He knows he shouldn't show his weakness in front of them now and he tries his best to hold back his tears. He is not sure for how long he can.

_It is not easy. It is not easy. It is hard. I don't have it easy!_

He doesn't say it out loud but they can read his mind anyway, somehow.

Myungjun shakes his head, "You are the one who chose this path, we didn't force you, do you think you are great just because you are in dramas and we are just in music videos? Hard work and dedication and passion and dreams go into both. Not just acting. And, Bin also has been in a few dramas."

_Not as successful as mine!_

But he wants Bin to have more success than him. That's not his fault. It is not his fault that Bin hasn't had a lead role. Eunwoo himself didn't land one immediately either. He wishes Bin would get more roles because Bin is just as talented, maybe even more.

Before Bin can say something, Jin slaps Eunwoo, hard, it stings, freaking stings but the pain in his heart and mind is more. Why can they just hear the bad thoughts and words, not the good ones? _Why?_

Minhyuk shakes hi head, "Hyung, what the hell was that? Apologize to Binnie-hyung. This is too much."

_Why are none of you apologizing to me? What did I do other than love you and work hard and go after my passion and dreams?_

He lets the dam break inside him.

He thinks the words but he can't tell it to them out loud as they look at him with _unloving,_ unimpressed looks. No one is on his side.

_He is their soulmate too, right? They are supposed to be six with him, right? Are they rejecting him? Why are they supporting only Bin? Why are they not on his side as well? Why do they hate him? Why do they not want him anymore? What can he do to get them back?_

_He doesn't want any extra leeway for himself, he doesn't want any special treatment, he doesn't get any either, on the contrary, things are harder on him, he is scrutinized more and there are more expectations on his shoulders, he is not saying it is easy for them, he is just saying that it is not easy for him either._

_Sometimes he feels like they are more handsome, talented than him and he just got lucky somehow, to be in this band, to be in their soulmate group, to be an actor, they probably deserve better than him. He wants the same but why can't he just get it across?_

_He wants it all to be pink with them once again, damn it. He wants them back, needs them, desperately. He is nothing without them. There used to be a time when they told him that they are nothing without him too. The six of them, they are each other's rocks, is that not the case anymore? He can't go on without them._

_It is not easy, all the feedback and comments on his acting and singing and dancing, working with strangers, kissing strangers and acting with them, when all he wants is all of that with these guys instead, with his soulmates, do they think he only wants to be seen as an eye candy? That he wants their hate?_

_Why are they misunderstanding him? Why is he letting them? What did he do to make them think he has changed, that he is arrogant now? Why? He still loves all of them, but they don't want him anymore, he wants to go back to being happy and hyper with only his six soulmates. Why? Why? Why cant he have the best of both worlds?_

All six of them say, "You can't." There is no hesitation.

And they leave. All alone. In the darkness. In the cold. In the damp. With his physical, emotional and mental aches and turmoil. Will he _ever_ escape?

\----------

He remembers the times when they took care of him, supported him, encouraged him, hugged him, teased him, where did all those go? That was still happening a while ago, right? Is he okay? Why can't he remember clearly?

The time when he wasn't feeling mentally well and they fielded all the interview questions for him.

The time when someone tried to take pictures of him and they pushed the stalker fan away and surrounded him instead of the bodyguards and managers without any hesitation.

The time when they drank cola instead of him - they took the punishment in his place. He can't drink cola. 

The time when they ate the spicy food instead of him because he gets sick if he eats spicy food.

The times when they call him to check if he is okay, when he is not on promotions with them, so he doesn't feel left out and lonely.

The times they just simply text him in the group chat and remind him to take care of himself. Even when there are no band promotions.

The times when they appreciate his hard work with a hug or a pat or a word or a look.

He misses those times. He needs them back.

He misses those times. He wants them back.

He wants to go back but the problem is he loves acting and he probably would choose to act again even if given another chance. It doesn't mean that he loves them any less. Why can't they see that? Why can't he make them see that?

\----------

Nowadays all he gets are no answers on his texts, no one picks up his calls, no hugs, no cuddles, no one noticing his physical mental and emotional pain, loneliness, despair, hopelessness. He is on his own.

He worked hard because he had their support but it is getting harder by the second.

Coldness instead of love.

Disrespect. Anger. Hatred. Directed by them, at him. He hates himself too.

He is left to fend for himself. He can. He is strong but for how long can he continue without them like this?

He is older than few members but he still likes to be taken care of at times. Why did it stop?

He doesn't eat sleep properly and they don't notice or they notice and just let him be.

_Why? Why? Why? Why?_

\----------

"Nunu, Eunwoo ya, wake up, Eunwoo?" Bin whispers softly so as to not startle Eunwoo further.

Myungjun sighs, "Please, it is all right, you are safe, just get up." He is extremely worried.

Minhyuk mumbles, "It is just a dream, Eunwoo hyung."

Sanha and Jin say simply, "We are here. You are not alone."

Bin raises his voice and snaps, "Dong min aa!"

And Eunwoo sits up straight on the bed, ram rod straight, it is so damn hard, he can't breathe and he is wailing and someone just fell of the bed because he hit them by mistake and he feels like clawing his throat, he can't breathe, so many tears, where is he, why does everything hurt, why does he feel like everything has gone for a toss? 

Ah, it was just a dream, ah, they don't hate him, thank God, they are not ignoring him, they like him, love him, respect him, they want to take care of him, that was just a night mare. That was just his stupid mind. But it is still a bit difficult to differentiate reality and his imagination. That makes him panic even more. What if this comfort is a dream instead? No. No. He doesn't want that. No. No. _Please no._

He stammers, "I am sorry, I-I am so sorry, I am so-so sorry, I d-didn't mean to... no, no h-hurt-"

Bin says fondly, "It is okay I am fine, calm down Eunwoo ya. You didn't do that on purpose. It was just a mistake. Happens. Just worry about yourself."

So, Bin was the person he hit by mistake. How can Bin forgive him so easily? Is he really okay? Is Bin just lying? Trying to placate him?

"Binnie... Bin aa, I am sorry, I a-am s-" Can he use Bin's nickname? Is it okay?

Jin places a hand on Eunwoo's mouth, "Min ah, stop, please stop talking, please stop apologizing, Binnie is fine."

And five pairs of arms hug him and he can finally breathe. He feels the anxiety and panic reduce a little. Someone helps him place his head between his knees and someone rubs his back. Someone checks his temperature and curses. Someone rocks him gently and someone is singing softly to calm him down.

He doesn't feel like throwing up anymore. He doesn't feel so bad anymore. But a part of him is still afraid.

He whispers to himself. That was just a dream, a nightmare, a night terror. Nothing more. Nothing less. This is reality. This is reality. His loving soulmates are by his side. They don't hate him. They are not accusing him. They understand him. They are his comfort. They are here for him. He is not alone. 

They are here for him, always will be, they are here to love him, he is not alone, they won't abandon him, never did and he won't let go of them ever. They won't let go of him either.

After sometime, someone moves him so he is lying on their soft lap. It is probably Minhyuk. Someone cuddles him, someone adjusts his blankets, someone fluffs his pillow, someone leaves saying that they will be back with proper food and medicines. They are here for him. Just like he is always there for them and will always be.

Six is the lucky number, the charm, not five. Never will be. They will be six soulmates forever - six - _not_ five, he is theirs and they are his to love, _forever._

**Author's Note:**

> Please DO NOT REPOST my fics without my permission. Kindly ask me before hand for translations. Credit my work/profile Ao3/Wattpad URL without fail. I am on AO3 ([imaginaryfriendashkun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginaryfriendashkun/pseuds/imaginaryfriendashkun)) and Wattpad ([alien/imaginaryfriendashkun](https://www.wattpad.com/user/alienfriendashkun)) and Youtube ([Ash Kun](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEWO5kWpuGFJzdSV0LTLGKg?view_as=subscriber)) and Tumblr([imaginaryfriendashkun](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/imaginaryfriendashkun)) and not on any other platform
> 
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> 
> Thank you for reading :D Have a nice day! Kindly leave a comment if you have time :)
> 
> Stay safe and take care! Be happy.


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